I am thankful.

I feel like this post has been in the making for awhile, never actually written, but continuously being written and added to in my head by my heart. 


This week is Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving, because as a teacher, I get the entire week off. I look forward all fall to this week, where I can catch up on sleep, actually sit and enjoy fellowship with friends, and spend some good time with my family. I also love it because it is an excuse to sit back and reflect and say all the things that we are thankful for. I love seeing all the daily posts on other blogs and Facebook about the things that people are thankful for, from a day off work, to no traffic, all the way to specific family members. I have not posted the things that I am thankful for, because mainly, I am so thankful for my life. I am thankful for God's overwhelming Grace that goes beyond anything I can understand. I am thankful for God's mercies that are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:23) I am thankful for forgiveness, for my wrong doings, but also the forgiveness that God allows me to have towards others that is so freeing to me. I am thankful for Jesus who died and rose from the dead that I, Lauren, would have eternal life with God. 


This year has been full of a lot of firsts for me, and I have struggled greatly with everything. But today, I had the chance to reflect with 2 great women, and I am thankful. Beyond all imaginable, I am thankful for this year. I am thankful for the trials, the tears, the sleepless nights, the anger, the screaming prayers, the pain, and the heartache. "WHY?" you ask, because with that hole - God filled it up abundantly, with the tears- God comforted me and dried my eyes, with no sleep and screaming prayers- God heard my heart the real and true me. He heard the pain and the hurt. I think it was one of the first times since the day I became a Christian 7 years ago, that I was completely honest with God. I was not worried about what He would think or do to me. I didn't care, and because I was angry, I gave God the opportunity to know me. While he already knows me and knows my thoughts, I let down my wall, which brings Joy to the Lord to welcome me with open arms, that I might let Him do the healing in my heart for me. 


Today I know the Lord in a richer, deeper, and more intimate way. I am stronger in my faith. Today I am wiser and more discerning with friendships, dealing with people, dealing with anger and bitterness, and reconciling relationships. I understand true forgiveness for the first time. Today I am more joyful in knowing that through the mess- God is still there and holding me afloat. Today I understand His Grace more than ever. I am humbled. I have a testimony and a new opening to ministering to those whom hurt. 


God loves me SO much, that He was not okay with my contentment. He wanted me to know Him so much more - and I do. I've realized that this will continue to happen my entire life. BUT I must remember that God loves me too much to let me be complacent and stagnate. He wants my life to be full of Joy and zealousness that comes only by knowing Him. 


So today: I choose to be Thankful.